Motherhood is a dilemma

Sep 12, 2020

I have two sons. When the first one was born, I understood that from now on life would never be the same. All the love and affection shown to me while I was pregnant was now focused only on my son; I was pushed in a corner, and on top of that I was given a huge responsibility on my lap …breastfeeding, feeding, bathing, etc. What’s more he had colic and was continuously crying, and I didn’t know what to do.

I was a young woman with a dream of building a career… despite all the odds I managed to pursue my career and I also managed to spare some time for my son as much as I could. However, I realised rather late that I had neglected the most important thing: myself!  I started yoga to relax my mind and give time and attention to my body.

They were difficult times, but now when I look back, I succeeded. This period taught me one thing; whatever you do, never forget yourself. During that period I benefited a lot from yoga, but when I became pregnant again to my second child, I was obliged to give it up.

Besides, when my second child was born our domestic situation became more complicated because my husband’s work was very demanding and my mum lived far away from us. How would I cope with two children, a five-year-old and a newborn baby?

Although I breastfeed my first son for nine months, I could only manage to breast feed my second son for two months. Now my second son is four years old and every now and then when I remember this, I get depressed because I wanted to breastfeed him for longer, but I couldn’t. Managing two children and trying to breastfeed him as well would have been a luxury. I tried to find a helper, but I couldn’t find one. My search took months, and in the end, I found one. I don’t know how I would have managed if I didn’t have her. She stayed with me for three years, looking after the children and helping me with the housework.

Whenever I saw social media posts putting pressure on mothers to breastfeed, I felt guilty. This situation drove me to rather difficult and depressing times … because again I had pushed myself to a corner, giving priority to my children’s needs and demands. In fact, you are kind of forced to do this because our society sees mothers as the number one person who should be responsible for their children. It took me a long time to realise this painful truth.

However, recently I started making time for myself again, and I want to explain to my children why I am obliged to work, why sometimes I need time for myself and that their mother is a strong and confident woman. When they grow up, I want them to know that it’s not only women who should be responsible for childcare and housework! I am bringing them up this way.

Everything passes, and believe me, when your children grow up, you say all the difficulties you have endured are well worth it.

And lastly, don’t forget yourself. Accept help and don’t be shy to ask for support.


Father and baby

Father and baby

After my son was born, my husband was only able to take 3 days off work.